les timbres.

he spoke her dialect...upside down maps and cartographical grammar. smiles that crossed two dimensions in blue-lined rivers alongside the elevations of cryptic slang.

could you promise that?

dialogue long dispersed beneath eyelids...oh those sleepy nostalgia sunrises...

if only for the one day where rest rises earlier than fatigue.

and embraces were sent more through the mail.

so blunt force. shakes head up and down signals yes. with a smirk.

i cannot hang with that.

ifs.

the gypsy lady grabbed my hand the other day, begging to read my fortune in the lines of the palm for five dollars. i agreed, it is a fool who rejects the wishes of a witch. she ran her finger throughout the curves and crevices and hollered down at me. my palm was empty. blank. she handed me back my money and walked away.

to come undone.

it's been a rush. the unsettled slide of hope from heart to stomach. eating away the fruits flesh, leaving the core. better than leaving an apple with a bite. chomp chomp. or a soul still hungry.

it's been a deflation. a nostalgic nib of cocao. the bitter scents and secret snarls. lessening the lose/win ratios. slip slap. or accidentally pitter patter.

it's been a break. an unwinding only to wind back up. the tightness loosened and the sigh given so much slack. another life perhaps. oooo aaaaa. and the world begins again, with a twist.

the better left unknown.

here we go again.
the faces have been altered but the speech is the same.
he hates prose.

there once was a trust between us.
i opened my eyes and saw it, a moment of my fear being played secretly while i slept.
he never knew. doesn't know. will never.
but it created a surge of shakes within my structure. i quaked the entire night.
i was screaming "infidel" in every silent jerk. while he played on pretending for me.
three days later i was still pent up inside. i wanted to leave him. hurt him.
loose him in his desires. i became.
ill. watched him make promises to others. watched him neglect the promises to me.
he was over consumed and could not hear the words i expressed.
i gave up. i searched for reasons. i invented pain.
i fell lost unto the mass of my delusions.
and wanted him to be the disappointment i had envisioned him.
and wanted him to be worth leaving cruelly.

i cried.
i had deceived myself into believing the lie embellished by desire and a rough design.
i am addressing the pounding headache it serves as stimuli to.
i am apologizing for the agony i had devised.
i am loving him.

youmean

i had such high hopes

tight rope sleep walking

dreams that end with silly dancing and tug boats

i wandered around the cold house without pants on

no one was home

i was all alone

wishing i had less to do and more to say

the emptiness of the water jug only creates a stronger thirst

and i have no time to get back to my roots

my motives

my ambition

all this learning is weighing me down

when i need to fly up a bit higher

to accomplish all the plans that i have made



will there ever be a moment for breath?

shimmer.

the lights went down. i have become brave in the darkness. i have become a shadow. watch the curtains fall. and know that i too am like the rest. a vague description of another time and place. a notch in the sky.